I’ve realized I’m a very atypical person: talking to coworkers in my age range today I realized they have a better financial situation than mine: they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don’t need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.
Me: I’m 43, I don’t own but rent, meaning I pay for something I’m never going to own. The last 2 years I’ve been saving like crazy because I’m afraid of not having enough money for retirement, and because in my past I did so much stupid shit, meaning I wasted so many years not doing anything of use.
I have around 100K in the bank, I know I should invest but I’m also scared of losing that money and I don’t know if I should use that money as a down payment for a house.
My father owns 3 houses and I envy him. I’ve been thinking about asking him to sell one of the houses and give me the proceeds so I can buy my own place because some of my coworkers did that and could finance their own home. When my father went to study to another state my grandfather bought him a house there so he wouldn’t have to rent. When he moved back to home state he sold and invested the money to buy a new house there. He had way easier than me. It’s not fair. I feel… unloved?
I guess this makes me an entitled ass but I feel so… lost?
To summarize, I feel like a loser because I’m old, I’m behind most of my coworkers my age, I’m a very individualistic person but this means I’m going to die alone, but sometimes I feel alone and scared of being old and alone. I don’t own anything of value to my name, it’s like I’m an old teenager.
they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don’t need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.
Do you actually want these things as well or do you just feel inferior when comparing your life to theirs?
You have more money stashed than the majority of people in the US. You could do practically anything you wanted to with enough conviction and a steady job and that much in savings.
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your past self. Life isn’t a competition, you’re meant to find joy within it. That’s where I would start if I were you.
Most of the indicators you’re talking about are, in my opinion, superficial markers of adulthood. Do you show up for the people you care about? Do you fulfill your commitments? Do you look for opportunities to grow and improve? Do you do the hard thing you need to do instead of the easy thing?
These are the traits that make you an adult, not how many kids you have or whether you own or rent housing. You can have 10 kids or none and still be an adult. You can own, rent, or live in your parents’ basement and still be an adult. You can’t be making promises you don’t keep or always taking the easy way out and be an adult. Those other things are all vanity metrics.
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It depends entirely if you’re living like an adult who takes care of their own life stuff or if you’re still having mommy do your laundry for you.
Multi-generational living can definitely work and be healthy.
I have dated so many friggen men who lived at home. I wished I had parents I could live with and save.
Skill Issue.
Skill issue.
“I have done it, so the same must be true for billions of other people.” Or the fact that not all people are such scions and paragons of good and righteousness like yourself, and some are prejudiced, discriminate and have their own opinions and reasons for why or why not they do the things they do.
I see my comment got removed. Must’ve struck a nerve here with the mods just by stating the obvious. Is this place already reddit?
Or the fact that not all people are such scions and paragons of good and righteousness like yourself, and some are prejudiced, discriminate and have their own opinions and reasons for why or why not they do the things they do.
…why would you want to date or be friends with those people? Sounds more like easy self-filtering to me. You get to see their true colors more quickly.
the opposite can be true then too, no?
You cant tell anyone you live at home because they all react poorly. Thats what you were saying.
First just take that 100k of rainy day funds and get it into a high yield savings account at like 3-4% APY - that should at least give some solace that it’s not evaporating at the rate of inflation.
Bank of the Ozarks had an 8 month CD at 4.1.
what i told you being an adult is an arbitrary and made up distinction and nobody ever actually grows up and literally every single person you have ever seen is to some degree faking it until they make it
Correct and anyone who feels otherwise is not to be trusted
Nobody ever makes it. You just get so good at the faking that nobody including yourself notices.
You are doing better than most with 100k in the bank. I wouldn’t sweat it much.
For real. Most people live paycheck to paycheck, including people who make $100k+ a year. They just have bigger bills. Living within your means is one of the most essential adult skills there is. It’s also lacking in most adults.
I dont think its most people who live like that… Maybe it’s just the ones we hear about? I haven’t seen any statistics over it but it would be surprising if most adults lives like teenagers, spending all their money every month.
When I was working, I saved money every month. It’s almost as I want to say “who doesnt” but maybe there is a lot of adults not saving. Seems very stupid. What if your cooler breaks? You need money for stuff that happens in life.
The numbers vary from study to study. The one cited here says 67%.
Scary. Where I live, sweden, it’s 22%, and it’s mostly because immigration its so high.
As someone with far less and fully satisfied, there is truly no standard. The idea of always wanting or needing more is something that is pushed upon us at a massive societal level. If you have the things you truly need, you can work towards things you want, and if you have the things you want, congrats. You’re there. It is an option to feel like you need more than what you have once your essentials are met. No one other than yourself actually cares if you’re ambitious and if you don’t get satisfaction from the ambition to pursue more, then don’t.
Hey Grok, define “midlife crisis of the mainstream male”
scnr, please go to therapy! You deserve to be happy.
That feeling when Groks definition of midlife crisis of mainstream male also applies to me, a female
Just in case, can’t hurt to get your prostate checked.
This is why the patriarchy invented dating apps. You ought to hop on there and select an affluent male for breeding, so they can provide you with money in exchange for you tolerating their lack of everything else. 🙃
Daaamn, you have a hundred grand?
I’m almost 41 and you’re doing better than I am!
Yeah, im 41, i have a wife, a nice house, 2 cars, 4 kids, 3 dogs and quite a bit of debt. I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world, but i would love 100k in the bank…
Also 41. Also same.
The difference between you an a teenager is 20something years of life experience. Don’t infantalise yourself
And $100k in the bank 🙄
There is 100% teenagers with access to assests far beyond this, being in your 40s doesn’t mean youve got access to anything tbh
Gosh darn it I joined this new instance that doesn’t allow me to downvote comments that bother me 😐
Gotchu fam
Thank you!! 😂
OP literally has access to $100k in the bank right now.
If you have 100k saved in liquid cash, you definitely need to be investing that in broad scale index funds. Keeping it liquid means inflation is going to be eating away at your money over time, which is really not good. The whole market is pretty out of balance due to AI, but it’s better to get in now rather than trying to wait and see. You have time to recover from market crashes, just don’t panic sell if the market crashes.
If financial stuff isn’t your thing, you can also save for retirement in prefabbed vehicles called Target-Date Funds. These are kinda annoying as they have a decent amount of fees, but you basically set a retirement goal date, and they will automatically rebalance more and more conservatively over time. However, you are at a bit of a disadvantage if you start at 43. I’d recommend saving aggressively if you can afford to.
Renting vs buying is always a thing, and it highly depends where you live. Having money for a down payment is good, but I’d consider what 100k invested right now would do for you until you are 80 vs what a house would do for you instead. 40 years of interest could be better than a significant debt load, even with several market crashes.
Fwiw, if you don’t have a spouse or kids, I don’t really see much value in a house. Rent a cheap one bed and laugh all the way to the bank when a water pipe breaks and you don’t have to cover 75k in water damage.
I’m older than you and unmarried, no kids, renting. I don’t feel like a kid, though. I feel old. I understand being scared of retiring without enough, but if you can find a small house in good condition at a reasonable price, I think it would be okay to take on a mortgage with as much as you’ve saved. You shouldn’t ask your dad for financial help, though, IMO. Money complicates relationships. Don’t add feeling beholden to feeling unloved.
You don’t sound atypical to me. The millennial generation is buying houses later and starting families later, or not able or willing to do either one. $100k in the bank is doing far better than most your age. At least in the US, something like 50% of people are living paycheck to paycheck, and wouldn’t be able to pay a $1000 emergency expense.
Don’t take this as financial advice, but it seems there is evidence that all the housing speculation is nearing an end. There is a lot of supply that is currently just being sat on by companies who are hoping demand catches up again. But we’re starting to see a rise in foreclosure rates, and it’s suspected to go up through the year.
Many people in their 30s-40s have instead been spending their money on things like pokemon and sports betting. I recommend going to your bank or credit union and just putting the money in some kind of high yield savings account for now. Again, not financial advice, but I would not buy a house right now.
The potential exception would be if trump deliberately triggers mass inflation in an attempt to “offset” a market collapse. In which case…I don’t know how it shakes out in the end, but it can’t be good for anyone holding USD…
Getting married and having kids really really sucks. This horrific world is going to ruin my children. I am not rich enough to protect them.
I am terrified. I should never have thought I could do this. The worst part is, I knew better.
Don’t do it. The rulers don’t deserve your children.
If you do get married, marry someone you trust with your very life itself, and don’t have kids.
Unless you are very rich and already own a lot of shit. Then do what you want.
I relate to this a lot.
Solidarity.
I just want to second the comment here about a high yield savings account, or even a CD. They’re both low/no risk investments. If the money you have is just sitting there you might as well be getting interest on it and a high yield savings, or a CD, aren’t exposed to the market so you can only lose if the bank shuts down and the FDIC can’t reimburse you, but if that happens we all have much bigger issues to worry about lol
I’m in a much worse situation than you, also at 40, so I definitely feel your pain here. Single, renting a garage “apartment,” working a shitty dead end factory job, and no inheritance to ever expect to receive. I too don’t feel like a real adult, but a failure of a human. So you’re not alone there for sure.
Unless the family is filthy rich and can weather all of the storms that come with old age, it’s best to not count on it and be pleasantly surprised is there is an inheritance - expect nothing other than what you yourself can provide for is the best approach imo … this is the American way these days. I’m early 40s and am not even counting on social security being around, be cool if it is, but this place is a shit show.
You are doing very well. I got married at 42. It’s the only time I’ve been married and was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I love my spouse very much, but it was still a very big mistake. Don’t envy those people. Being lonely is still easier, and kids suck. Go get married and see how fast you save money then. You’ll be fucked.
Being lonely is still easier…
Lonely != alone. Big difference.
I tried to upvote you twice, but it wouldn’t let me!
I love my spouse very much, but it was still a very big mistake.
You’ve piqued my curiosity lol. What about marriage specifically was a mistake when you love your spouse? Taxes?
Just being drove in the ground. Adult child that causes severe issues. Being over committed as an introvert. Relocated and now can’t leave a place I hate because I’m so exhausted from problems. Too much noise and can’t sleep. Can’t sell house we bought for reason that is no longer valid because market sucks. There is some stupid occasion or celebration all the time. Can’t have staycation because it’s not relaxing. Money going out the window constantly.
Oh…I’m sorry things have been rough. I don’t think any of that is because of marriage? You sound burnt out, I hope things ease up sooner rather than later for you.
Thanks for the comment. I was thinking that maybe I need to manage burnout and it’s interesting someone else thought that might be the case.
