Get into the emotional state while you are writing, and get your crying out then. The trick to public speaking is always the same - practice enough that it gets boring. Also, if you cry in the middle of it that’s fine too, because shit is sad, and nobody is going to hold it against you.

Funeral director here, even if you do turn into a puddle everyone understands. Just do the best you can and it will be fine.

The most important part is to take more time than you think to speak, everyone always thinks they need to rush as if they are an inconvenience with their words, trust me your words are worth the time it takes to say them slowly, no matter what words you choose.

I don’t think anyone will care if you turn to a puddle, I’ve been to many funerals and seen it happen.

I didn’t speak at my father’s funeral for the same reason though.

One trick my mom used:
She was often hired to sing at funerals and weddings. We lived in a small town so she knew a lot of the people. She was always afraid that seeing the family cry would cause her to break down mid song. She had poor vision so she would take her contacts out before performing.

Thank you all for your advice, it is most appreciated and I will put it to good use.

Write the speech first and practice it quite a bit. When practicing notice the emotions and maybe write breaks into your speech to allow you to feel.

The last funeral I spoke at I put a joke in and the idea was while the audience had a little laugh I could compose myself and get ready for the emotional close.

By rehearsing it you make it a bit easier but allow yourself to feel and grieve without restraint at some point.

I spoke at my mother’s memorial service. I did cry. I did stop for a few moments mid-speaking but continued on after I found my voice again. As others have said, absolutely no one will think any less of you or even consider it a negative aspect of your overall presentation if you do breakdown at what is possibly the most understandable place in a person’s life for them to break down crying. Some might even be all the more affected by what you are saying if it is punctuated by well-deserved tears or sobs. So I would say, first of all, don’t worry too much about it, and if it happens, let it.

But beyond that, for more practical advice, you can just stop for a moment to compose yourself. Take a few slow breaths, close your eyes if it helps to ground you, feel your feet on the floor.

Another thing that can be grounding is if you have someone in the audience you are really very close to. Talk to them before hand and tell them that you’re concerned about losing your composure and not being able to finish speaking. When you’re up there speaking, if you feel yourself starting to lose your composure, look at them, make eye contact. They can give you a comforting smile and nod, giving you the reassurance you need and help to further ground you. They will know ahead of time, since you will have asked them to be your support when you’re up there in front of the audience. Meet their eyes, remember that they’re there for you. Can even ask that they give a gesture of acknowledgement and comfort like putting their hand over their heart. In my experience, having that one person as prepared support out there can make a big difference in one’s immediate sense of confidence.

I wish you well in your speech and I offer my sincere condolences. Losing your mom can be among the most painful experiences in a person’s life. Having already lost your dad you no doubt already know that, but either way, don’t forget to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

You do your best and say what you can. It helps if you prepare the speech in advance. If nothing else, you just read it.

Better to try and fumble it — everyone will understand — than to not try and regret it for years after.

this is one of those things you can’t anticipate. you either hold it together or you don’t but its different for different folks and just all sorts of little things can seem to make a difference. some photo you looked at before or such.

I find that when I have to give a speech and remain unemotional, banana banana, if I say a random word over and over again in my head between sentences, banana banana, I am able to distract my brain from emotions, banana banana.

You know how some people have a sympathetic gag reflex if someone is throwing up? That’s me with crying at funerals. Once someone else gets going it’s hard for me to keep it together.

To cope, I crack jokes in my head because it’s easier to fight back laughter than tears, so I concentrate on that.

Basically, try to find something else to focus on instead of all the emotions, but if the emotions come out, that’s all right - it’s a funeral, emotional outbursts are normal.