What did this person say that pissed the ICEflakes off so, and why aren’t we all saying it?

Only in my pants. Why? What does that have to do with it?

Since they’ve done so much for humanity, can we crowdsource some excuses to get them out of having to visit the White House?

Are there any ethical AIs out there to use?

What colour South Africans?

I thought it would’ve been because they keep getting less value for money, since the services keep raising prices and fisting more ads into people.

when Congress returns from recess next week

Meaning Trump will have to fabricate some excuse to start it up again before then.

A dollar per spit saves the economy!

That’s okay. Just tell the government you didn’t agree to anything like that when you signed up. They’ll respect that.

/s

I close my front door when I get home, rest my head against it, and whisper, “Thank fuck for that”.

Then they’ve stuffed him with an Optimus which is slowly degrading due to being coated in him.

Now, given his spokespeople lie almost as much as he does …

Not to civil claims, apparently. 😈

I don’t know if I’m more surprised the nuggets have lead in them, or that the FDA realised it was a bad thing, and actually warned people about them!

AOL still exists?

Oh, no! Not Palantir! Oh, please don’t hurt them! They’re just a harmless data processing company run by a devout Christian!

The Parable of the Drowning Man

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

“Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast”.

“No,” says the preacher. “I have faith in the Lord. He will save me”.

Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat.

“Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee’s gonna break any minute”.

Once again, the preacher is unmoved. “I shall remain. The Lord will see me through”.

After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone.

“Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance”.

Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him.

And, predictably, he drowns.

A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, “Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn’t you deliver me from that flood?”

God shakes his head. “What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!”

As is tradition.

Trump ignores judge, with no consequences … as is tradition.

Work is proceeding in secret at the back of Mt Rushmore.