It isn’t true that my mattress is made of cotton candy.

Or sarcasm, even

Someone I know recently combined Maple Syrup & buttered Popcorn thinking it would taste like caramel popcorn. It didn’t and they don’t recommend anyone else do it either.

He would only survive if he kept the fire going and he could hear thunder in the distance.

He looked behind the door and didn’t like what he saw.

Everything about this is disgusting, but I do find it interesting that one of his grievances is that Elon ‘stole his Nazi swag.’ I.e. that he was a Nazi innovator and Elon is terribly unoriginal in all his Nazi behaviour

The reservoir water level continued to lower while we enjoyed our long shower.

He was surprised that his immense laziness was inspirational to others.

I can’t believe this is the eighth time I’m smashing open my piggy bank on the same day!

For oil spots on the floor, nothing beats parking a motorbike in the lounge.

I’d rather be a bird than a fish.

It took him a month to finish the meal.

The family’s excitement over going to Disneyland was crazier than she anticipated.

They probably came pre-brainwashed by manosphere content, so Musk didn’t even have to do much to elicit cult-like behaviour

Barking dogs and screaming toddlers have the unique ability to turn friendly neighbors into cranky enemies.

Ianucci has drunk from the waters of prophecy

Erin accidentally created a new universe.

He hated that he loved what she hated about hate.

I often see the time 11:11 or 12:34 on clocks.

The CEO of Skype would agree