TMZ will be the first to report it.

Seriously, folks, how hard is it to just walk away?

Respectfully, walk away from Google.

That’s the thing, I don’t think it’s impossible at all.

The problem with your explanation is that Intel is troubled enough to be purchased, and the US currently has no issue allowing monopolies. In a world in which Paramount is buying Warners, and Sysco is buying Restaurant Depot, AMD buying struggling Intel is not an obvious joke. Or at least it isn’t without some additional tag. “AMD set to buy beleaguered Intel in an all-DDR5 deal.”

Look at any of the websites trying to be the Onion. They seldom get the thing that makes Onion headlines just right.

Your Patriots joke works (and would be a pretty good April Fools joke) because it’d come out of nowhere. If you make the same joke but about the Washington Commanders changing their name to the Corporals (a joke structured the same way as yours), it wouldn’t be as obviously a joke because that team has a history of name changes and Trump telling them to change their name isn’t out of the realm of possibility. Your Patriots joke also works because the joke isn’t that they’re changing their name, it’s that they are changing their name to the opposite. “New England Patriots changing their name” isn’t funny. “AMD buying Intel” contains the same amount of information; that is to say nothing funny.

I said before that a joke has to have context to make sense. That’s not quite right. It has to have context and we all have to kinda agree what that context is. You assuming that an AMD/Intel monopoly is impossible is what makes the headline a joke for you, but if I disagree about the context (that said monopoly is possible) than it doesn’t work. Judging from the other replies, I don’t think I’m the only one for whom it doesn’t work.

There is nothing in the headline that is joke adjacent; it falls flat as a joke and therefore isn’t a good April Fools joke.

The Onion get this correct, that a joke has to have some context to be funny. This ain’t it.

Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. Wonder why you take my choices so personally?

There are solutions, but I know you’re not interested in solutions.

Not being able to type one specific word with autocorrect off is such a weird outlier that, with all due respect, I’m not sure if I’m to take your complaint seriously. And for it to be what has to be a top 50 most used word is befuddling. So if I were to try to earnestly help, I’d say:

1. actually double check that you have autocorrect off. Not that autocorrect would or should make “and” impossible to type (autocorrect is on for me, and “and” types just fine), but making sure it’s off or at least toggling it on then off again could have an effect.
2. has someone played a prank on you? Settings>General>Keyboard>Text Replacement. Has someone put an entry to replace “and” with “band” or something similar?
3. software really doesn’t exhibit bugs unique to you in the way, say, hardware that’s been dropped may exhibit unique behavior. If 1 or 2 above doesn’t address it, my best guess is you are being disingenuous in your complaint which is why my comments read as dismissive.

There’s nothing stopping you from continuing to use wired headphones with devices without 3.5mm jack. In fact, I often do when listening to music critically.

The official Apple 3.5mm-to-USBC plug, at $9, is apparently a very very good DAC for the price, but I find it a bit too flimsy for my taste.

Anecdotes are interesting, but they don’t help.

Indeed.

Obviously you do whatever your preference is. But I’ve dusted off my old iPod and have been listening to music with good wired over ear headphones. I’d forgotten just how annoying having wires were when doing anything other than laying on a bed listening to music; gets caught on everything.

What I’m saying is I do not miss the headphone jack on phones literally one iota.

microfiber cloth sold for $40

The polishing cloth is $19, but don’t let that get in the way of a good story.

Does your current phone have a headphone jack?

Because governments are mandating it.

What are you on about? Autocorrect can be annoying, and typing on the iPhone has gotten shitty over the years, but “and” is easily typed with or without autocorrect on. And and and and and.

Typed on iPhone.

Well, I’m no fan of this and will loudly object if it occurs in my jurisdiction. We all know this isn’t about safety, but tracking. But it also seems perhaps inevitable everywhere…

If it is inevitable, I can kinda stomach the OS (and only the OS) inferring I’m an adult, provided it can pass along that verification to sites.

FWIW, your first comment was a blanket statement about “people,” not simply about you.

I’m not here to make people care.

But I do care, and lots of other people do too.

You got that backward, chief. Not caring who controls these companies are keeping people glued to Meta, X, and the like.

People who pay attention care.