Iamsqueegee

Begins selling your data before you’re even born. Neat.

Did you remember to great power comes with great responsibility?

They are rich in story, lore, and world exploration. I love them for this. But! I hate having to revisit locations for new quests. It all feels like “Crap! Forgot the milk!” aaand, back to the store. “Crap! Forgot the eggs!” aaand back to the store. There aren’t many games with full, deep stories, but it’s the grind that wears me down.

Yeah boyyyy!!

Imagine you bought a deck of cards to play Go Fish and you only ever played Go Fish and you only let people use your cards to play Go Fish and somebody else said, hey, we could play sooo many other games. That’s kinda in the neighborhood of jailbreaking.

Ugh… they keep sending the small shell!

“Drink your Ovaltine”

“Stay outta my TV!” - Texas “Your uterus is my business.” - Also Texas

Some hard, pipe-hitting motherfuckers, I’d wager.

Maybe don’t base the economy on e-waste?

Hooray! say the neigh-sayers.

To be fair, it might also be a horse. And that is pretty mind blowing.

To nobody’s surprise.

Vegetables. Purchased with all the intent of eating them before they go bad. I don’t eat them quickly enough and they go bad. There’s no in between stage. They were edible and now they are not.

It’s never too late for a retroactive abortion.

Pin the tail on the Donnie

Make your own opening elsewhere on the package.

Look on the back of the stems. That’s usually where you’ll find manufacturer’s stamps. At the same time, they kind of look like tarnished silver. Try polishing them!

No! They’ll hate the sticks, man! Like, it’s the anti-fetch.

….does, what? Kung fu fight? Are those kicks fast as lightning?